Which dog breed are you? Presbyterian edition

Written By Gerald Farinas

It’s Rizzo in the car and George waiting for a treat! Photos: Gerald Farinas.

There are different kinds of folks you meet at church. Here are some of them—as dog breeds.

Being Presbyterian, these dogs are all rescues. If you’re considering getting a pet, please go to your local shelter to find a friend needing a home.

Also, make sure your pets are spayed or neutered. Help control the domestic animal population.

Born and raised Presbyterian

Golden Retriever

  • Loyal, dependable, always in their seat before the prelude

  • Believes coffee hour is a sacrament

  • Prefers milk instead of creamer

  • Always has the hymn book ready to go—Glory to God isn’t that great

  • “Back in the day” and “When I was younger” are common conversation starters

  • Pipe organ, please!

Theology nerd

Border Collie

  • Sharp, intense, and always ready to hear what pastor has to say during the sermon

  • Knows who Barth, Calvin, and Bonhoeffer are and can cite them in casual conversation

  • Gets excited about polity and Presbytery Assembly reports

  • Loves church-related work

  • Thought about joining the ministry if they didn’t

Group Leader

Labrador Retriever

  • Friendly, energetic, and looks natural with a clipboard in hand

  • Starts a gathering with “Hey, let’s pray real quick”

  • Always has snacks and great smile

  • Works the room during passing of the peace and coffee hour

  • Probably can fix a few things here and there around the church

Progressive activist

Australian Shepherd

  • Passionate and focused, especially during meetings and Bible studies

  • Knows the Book of Order and how to organize a protest

  • If a pastor, wears a stole with embroidery

  • Tries to make sure everyone is welcomed and respected

  • Who’s gonna help with the gardening?

  • Loves the non-traditional affirmations of faith and looks forward to the Prayers of the People

Quiet spiritual type

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

  • Thoughtful, deeply reflective, often found in centering prayer

  • Loves writing stuff down

  • Doesn’t talk much in committee meetings but drops wisdom when they do

  • Big fan of Taizé services and candles

  • Not the biggest fan of socializing with too many people at coffee hour

  • NRSV Bible preferred but also likes The Message

New member raised Baptist or Pentecostal

Cocker Spaniel

  • Eager, friendly, occasionally barks something during the sermon

  • Thinks any sermon less than 15 minutes is an express sermon

  • Enthusiastically claps during the Gloria

  • Why are people only taking half a donut at coffee hour?

  • Probably has a copy of the King James Version at home

Choir diva

Afghan Hound

  • Elegant, confident, and slightly mysterious

  • Wears robes like a runway and can sight-read anything

  • Will politely correct you on the difference between a hymn and an anthem

  • Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate!

Church advisor

Scottish Terrier

  • Practical, precise, slightly skeptical of new budget line items

  • Has strong opinions on per capita giving and where the decorations go—if we even should have them

  • Keeps everything running, but doesn’t want the spotlight

  • We’re Reformed; there are too many colorful things in the sanctuary

Used to be Catholic, Episcopalian, or Lutheran

Probably a cat

  • Where are the Communion wafers?

  • Still hangs a rosary on their rearview mirror

  • Helps keep the church clean

  • Doesn’t bother with the livestream service when at home sick from church

Gerald Farinas
Previous

Which dog are you? Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran edition
Next

Hope is not enough to survive this