Which dog are you? Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran edition
George is begging for treats. Photo: Gerald Farinas.
Apparently, dividing up Presbyterians was hot—and the Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans who follow us needed a description of their holy puppers, too.
As I wrote yesterday, should you want a pet, please go to your local shelter and adopt a rescue pet. Have your animals spayed or neutered to help control the domestic animal population.
So here goes:
Senior daily Mass-goer
Chihuahua
Tiny, fierce, and not afraid to scold you for chewing gum in the sanctuary
Carries a Rosary and has a direct line to every saint
T-shirts and shorts are not preferable but “you be you”
You have to receive the Eucharist as much as you can
There’s nothing wrong with “And also with you”
Theology student who argues with the pastor after Mass
German Shepherd
Intelligent, loyal, and sometimes intense
Knows their Aquinas, their Vatican II documents, and will debate them
A good crucifix has blood on it
A little bit of Latin here and there is fine
Thinks they can do better than the bishop
Charismatic with a tambourine
Golden Doodle
Overflowing with enthusiasm and the Holy Spirit
Says “Amen” louder than anyone
San Damiano Cross, please!
Pet blessings? Sure!
Likes the folk music hymns
Person who only shows up on Christmas and Easter
Bulldog
Chill, unbothered, likes the incense but not the kneeling
Does the sign of the cross in a not-so-confident manner
Definitely doesn’t have an envelope for the offering
Still claims they’re “very Catholic”
Drives an SUV or uses public transit
Liturgical aesthete who coordinates the Flower Guild
Afghan Hound
Elegant, poised, and deeply concerned that the altar colors are correct
Also has opinions about the coffee hour tablecloth
Has a special ham salad recipe. The secret ingredient is Miracle Whip
We should cut the donuts in half
Former Catholic who found their freedom
Whippet
Graceful, fast-moving, and still adjusting to not having to confess everything
Absolutely loves the phrase, “All are welcome”
Loves calling the female minister “pastor” as loud as possible because for generations that was unthinkable
Thinks they should use the Gluten free Communion bread
When’s the next social justice protest?
Has NPR or PBS tote bags
Vestry member who’s also on the Building Committee
Basset Hound
Grounded, loyal, moves slowly but gets things done
May or may not live in the church basement—or wouldn’t mind if they did
Doesn’t mind long meetings but grumbles about it because it would be a weird thing to enjoy
Lets go to the Chinese restaurant after church!
Rector who quotes poetry in sermons
Irish Setter
Warm, charismatic, and slightly dramatic
Can tie together a passage from Luke, Mary Oliver, and “Succession” in one homily
Egg McMuffin and a cup of coffee is a good breakfast
Historical novels and Legos or jigsaw puzzles are great pastimes
Stoic Scandinavian matriarch or patriarch
Great Pyrenees
Quiet, powerful presence, makes the best coffee and casseroles
Never misses Reformation Sunday
Would be a great lector but doesn’t want to volunteer to do so
Liked making Easter baskets and stuffing dollar bills into children’s pockets
Wine not unfermented grape
Pastor who loves Martin Luther a little too much
Border Collie
Driven, super smart, low-key judgmental about your biblical Greek
May own a “Here I Stand” t-shirt
Has their own copy of the red hymnal and knows where their favorites are
Wishes they still had Communion rails
Journals
Friendly but reserved usher
Newfoundland
Gentle giant who’s been holding the door since 1983
Doesn’t say much, but always makes you feel welcome
Always offers refills at coffee hour
Has a good sturdy hat
Has a favorite cable news channel and it’s not the one people think they’d watch
Young adult who brings the bread for Communion
Shiba Inu
Independent, low-key sarcastic, somehow cool and involved
Doesn’t smile in photos but actually loves church camp
Wears colorful shoestrings
Likes snacky things to much on
